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Orena*'s Journal

Thursday, August 30, 2001

5:45PM - ~Howdy Ho~

It's the 4th day of school. My classes are ok I guess. First I have Alg 2, it's ok I guess. Then I have AP History, and there's like 34 ppl in there and most of them are seniors. Third, I have Honors English, and the only thing I hate about it is I have Mrs Bourne. I dont really like her. Didnt like her when I had her in 9th grade either. But I sit near ppl that are hilarious so I'm laughing constantly. Richard and I fight for space at our lockers everyday too cuz his is right beside mine. We're always pushing each other out of the way. It's all good. So like, T has a gf, but I'm not at all worried...He cant bring her when he comes back here and outta sight outta mind, so what do I care? He's comin back and wants to see me, that's really all I care about. lol. Oh, I never said what I have for 4th block, lol. Not like it's even worth mentioning though, it's choir. It's like ALL freshmen and like 4 juniors but they are new this year. They came from Graham, so they all stay together and have only talked to me a couple times, but oh well. Ok, I 'm tired of writing now

Current mood: happy

Monday, August 20, 2001

4:58PM - I Have Something I Think You All Should Know!

Here's the list: I cannot Parallel Park, I have a bad attitude, and I speed in parking lots. Yep, that's what they said at the DMV today when I went to take my Driver's Test again. I have a bad attitude? I dont get a bad attitude with you unless you piss me off. Simple really. "She needs to work on parallel parking, she cant do it at all, and she had a really bad attitude." Ok, I'm sorry if you're PMS-ing, and you REALLY need to work on weight control, lady, cuz I'm really sure your side of the car went down when you sat your fat ass down in the seat. Oh dontcha just love the good people of the DMV?! Anyways, I've talked to T again. We talk like we're six years old sometimes. I dont know what it is, just kinda happens when we talk for some reason. lol.
The guy from ptown is a real prick. Dont know why I ever talked to him in the first place. I got a new bedspread lol. It's leopard print. I got a couple of pillows that match it too. It's really cute. I also got some Sun-In for my hair. I was in desperate need of some. My hair was getting way to dark. I wish T would get online

Current mood: frustrated

Saturday, August 11, 2001

10:24AM - Ow.~

I'm wearing a peel-off mask. It's supposed to stay on for like 15 minutes and it's been on for like 6 minutes and it's already driving me crazy. My skin is all tight. Good lord get it off!!
I'm over it. so anyways, I talked to T again last night-- YAY!! It's all good. I cant wait till he comes in. Ok, I had to get that mask off. It feels better now. I dont know what to say. I'm talking to that guy from ptown. We talked on the phone last night too. I have to clean house. Everyday I get off I have to clean....

Current mood: okay

Monday, August 6, 2001

6:30PM - *Yawn*

I'm doing this to pass time because I really have nothing better to do plus I'm tired and I dont really wanna do anything but sit and relax for a while. Why for God's sake am I listening to Nsync? Ahhh. So anyways, that guy wrote me a poem the other day, It's sweet. I think I'll post it:darkness and sorrow
hath filled my heart

i look at my life
just where do i start?

My journey i seek
no matter how bleak

a light i have found
my heart is unbound
from the chains of blackness
the shackels of lonliness

this light has broke through
sent to me from you

how strange this has been
i don't know where to begin

you are what i've searched for
the beauty, the sweetness,the friend

you have opened a door
and i can't wait for more

am i falling for you?
is it true?
cant this be real?
yet it must for its all that i feel

so with these words
you've seen inside me
just a glimpse of my heart
waiting to be set free

you have the key to the lock only you
to set this prisoner free
i pray that you will
so my dreams will come to be.

Isnt that sweet?

Current mood: calm

Sunday, August 5, 2001

2:44PM - BLAH~

I told Heather a few days ago I was gonna update this. Did I? nope. I'm a slacker. lol
So I met that guy that mom didnt want me to meet. He's somewhere between decent and cute. Nothing to trip over, but yeah, he's aight. He told me he thought I was hot. yay. i told him he wasnt ricky martin, but that he would do. I dont know what to say! I tried to lay out some today but it was REALLY hot so i had to come back in. I dont know what to say. I said that already. damn i'm bored

Current mood: blank

Saturday, July 28, 2001

7:32PM - This is What I'm thinking.

Is it possible to like someone you've never even met? Am I dreaming? I have to be. He's just too perfect. What is this? Everything he says I totally understand, totally and completely. Why do we think about each other when we're not talking? How can we both think the same way and almost finish each other's sentences? Why did I almost start to cry when he told me how he's feeling knowing I've been feeling the exact same way, just too scared to tell him? Why is it that even though sitting down and telling each other how we feel is soooo weird, but at the same time it makes perfect sense? Why are we both silent on the phone and then laugh a little for no apparent reason? Why is there nothing wrong with him? Nothing about him annoys me. Nothing. Am I annoyed that nothing about him annoys me? lol. That sounded stupid. But why, when he said that if talking to me is so amazing because he's never felt like this before, I'm thinking the same thing? Why does he say that if talking to me is amazing, then he's scared to think what touching me would be like? Why does he say he's starting to really care about me? This doesnt happen to me! But I'm so glad it is.

Current mood: indescribable

Friday, July 13, 2001

6:37PM - ~I Cant Believe I Told Him That!!~

Ok so i just finished talking to T again :). he moved to cali 2 weeks ago. that sucks, but he's comin back in August for a month. I told him I thought he was hot. Not sure if thats good or bad right now. At the same time, I was talking to the guy from ptown too. He wanted me to go cruising, but nah. Hope he doesnt think I'm purposely putting him off but if he does I cant help that. Umm, what else? Heather is on her way to Ky now. Hope she doesnt go insane all that way in the car with her parents. I got my hair cut. It's REALLY short compared to what it was. I saw 2 of my friends at the hair cut place. I went to the new one beside Wal Mart where they do nails and stuff too. It's pretty cool there. My hair is barely touching my shoulders now, and its layered. I cant decide if I like it or not :p, yeah its ok.

Current mood: blank

Wednesday, July 11, 2001

6:54PM - ~Strange~

Lemme tell you. I've had an interesing week and it's only Wednesday. So I'm sure if any of you curious people out there have been reading this, you know about that guy that my mom is freaking out about me meeting. Anyways, I talked to him on the phone for 2 hours yesterday. He's not real. He cant be. Nope. We have way too much in common. Let me list the similarites for ya:our fav color is blue, our parents both went on the same cruise, our mom's both got degree's from courses over the internet, we both like/write poetry, our cars are both 1994's, his mom's bday is this saturday and so is my stepdad's,we listen to the same music, we both have older sisters that have a baby, we both felt this weird "I feel like I've known you forever" connection, we both like subway, we've both been staying up really late, but getting up really early in the morning lately. Is that not weird? I just hope he's not ugly

Current mood: relaxed

Tuesday, July 3, 2001

5:36PM - I Dont Know What To Do!!!

Ok, I have a problem. A real big problem. See, I've been talking to this guy that goes to Princeton on Icq for a while, and he's really nice and stuff but he's always saying he wants to meet me. So, we've exchanged phone #'s and such, but havent talked on the phone. Anyways- I told mom that "Yeah, I know this guy and he wants me to call him and blah blah....... and he also wants to meet me". That went well. Her response? "Where does he want to meet you at?" He had brought up going to the mall but we had never made and plans so I told her I didnt know. Her response after that? "No, it would be too much like a blind date". So I planned on going to the mall and meeting him anyway, but my friend was gonna go and secretly follow us and watch to make sure nothing happened. So I told the guy and he was all for it, I asked mom and it's "Are you going over there to meet that boy? Why are you going so late?" Of course I told her no and that it was the only time my friend could go. She still suspects something, and knowing my mom, she might just casually walk right in on us and what the hell am I gonna say? "umm well this is the guy you didnt want me to meet but oh well it looks like he's here anyway". Um, No. I think I'm just gonna tell everyone that I cant go and find an excuse to tell the guy and shut up about him for a week or so and then ask to go to the mall again and hopefully she wont mention him or be so paranoid that I actually wanna meet new ppl. Sorry for wanting to do things mom, but you've gotta let me go someday...

Current mood: aggravated

Saturday, June 9, 2001

4:22PM - ~No Appropriate Title Can Be Used Here~

I just got home from work a few minutes ago and now I'm talking to my friend from Egypt. Yes, they have computers in Egypt. But that isnt the great thing; I talked to T! Yep. It was just peachy. He's a sweetie. I dont wanna say what we talked about in case by some weird twist of fate he's reading this right now. Just an update...

Current mood: thoughtful

Monday, June 4, 2001

7:01PM - ~My F*cked Up Life~

I went to take my drivers test today......AND FAILED. It was just fucking great. I didnt even get a chance to ride around. I hit the curb when I was trying to parallel park and this blond bitch goes "sorry but u werent supposed to hit anything so i have to fail you. come back in 7 days and try again." I parked and went in and layed my learner's down and told mom i would be in the car. I was so mad I started crying. god forbid I do anything right in my life. why not just sell my car? i'll never use it. there's another thing to add to my "fuck up" list. hmmm......cant keep my friends, cant get a bf, cant pass a drivers test that NO ONE fails, cant be pretty enough, not smart enough, dont smile enough,and hey and I even made a D in Geometry. What the hell else is new? life sucks.

Friday, May 25, 2001

3:53PM - no subject.

Today was move up day and I dont think I've ever cried so much in my life. The performances were good for the most part. Then the seniors made a circle around the auditorium, they played that song, and I looked up and saw Tony crying and I lost it. That's when it hit me. They're all leaving. All my senior friends are gone. I dont belive this. I didnt think I was going to cry as much as I did. I cried for like an hour straight then when I got home I cried some more. I dont want to look at my yearbook b/c I'll start again. I didnt even cry last year. I got so many hugs and kisses and tissues today it was pitiful, but I needed them all. congrats, c/o 2001

Friday, May 4, 2001

7:15PM - ~Friday!~

I'm really glad it's Friday. I hate school. It's a couple weeks till I can finally get my license. I cant wait!! I really really hope everything with Heather is ok. I know it has to be really hard, I dont like to see people cry over something like that. I hope she knows that if she wants to talk I'm here, I mean I hate to see my best friends go through the shit they go through sometimes. As if that isnt enough, this psychopathic guy brought a gun to school today. Maybe next week will be better. Hopefully.

Current mood: blah

Wednesday, May 2, 2001

4:33PM - ~Must We Be So Immature?~

What a day. 1st, I seriously almost fell asleep in Drivers Ed. Then I think I got a low grade on a quiz in English. Then, of all things, at lunch, I get hit with this piece of watermelon and it left a red stain on my WHITE shirt. This racist girl that has a conspiracy against all white girls is the one that supposedly did it. And then everyone wonders why there is always something with the white ppl and the black ppl going on. Jeez kids, can we be any more immature that we have to throw things at ppl just because they obvioulsy are jealous of white people?

Current mood: aggravated

Sunday, April 22, 2001

4:14PM - I Don't Wanna Go!!

Ok, so it's Sunday and I'm totally dreading going back to school. But I guess the sooner we go back, the sooner we get out so I wanna just get it over with already. Ok, that's it. I'm losing weight. I'm gonna do like a million crunches everyday until I get skinny again. I found the haircut I wanna get when I let my bangs grow out. It's really cute. I can't believe Heather got her bellybutton pierced. I want to get mine done really bad, but after I lose weight. If I start now maybe I can have it done by mid summer.

Current mood: indescribable

Friday, March 30, 2001

5:41PM - ~Shoulda Thought Of That b4 We Kissed~

It's Friday!! We went to this stupid career planning thing at BSC. It sucked. they handed out fake breasts to the Health clutser people. Glad I wasnt there! There was a cute guy in the game room though! lol. Mid terms are over finally! I got a 72 in English, a 77 in Math, a 91 in Science, and I still dont know about Drivers Ed. Those are the lowest scores I've ever made in my life. I dont care though, it's just a grade. I still have all 'A' averages except for math so who cares? oh yeah!! T and I are making progress if thats what you want to call it. I dont feel like typing the whole situation, but trust me, it was good. :) Hope it goes farther!!

Current mood: indescribable

Saturday, March 10, 2001


I've had my crying spell for this week. Sometimes I get so mad at myself. I hate my life.I really wish I could just make everything I hate go away. Why cant I get a bf? Because I'm fat and ugly and have no personality and I'm so shy and I'm not a beauty queen, and I'm not perfect and I'm not smart and I'm not willing to go out of my way just to please anyone. I feel like I only have about 2 friends that I can really trust and depend on, and I think I dont have more because there's something wrong with me. I dont know what it is. Maybe it's the same reasons I cant get bf. I'm not happy anymore. So many things get me down now. Someone could look at me the wrong way some days and I want to go away by myself and cry. Someone said I was "chunky" a few days ago and I dont know how to take that. I was thinking, "I know I'm fat but you dont have to remind me". I dont know what to do.

Current mood: aggravated

Friday, March 9, 2001

4:56PM - Ahhhh....

It feels so good to be at home. You dont know how glad I am that it's Friday! Today sucked. In Driver's Ed, I had to do the basketball team's totals for my teacher. Why couldnt he get off his lazy ass and do it himself? For this weekend, I have to do 4 math assignments. 1 of which my teacher claims I didnt turn in and I know I did. I remember doing it. I got a cd burner Wednesday. That's good. I had to make a cd for my mom of all people, but it's ok. I've made 2 for myself. Maybe I can delete some of my 300 and 90 some songs off Napster now lol. I'm looking at one of my candles burning. It's scented. Plumeria. Not sure how to pronounce that but oh well. My dog is asleep. Sounds like a good idea to me!

Current mood: drained

Tuesday, March 6, 2001

3:41PM - Yay!

We had a snow day! It snowed about 4 inches here last night. I'm so glad! I hope we dont have school tomorrow either, but I doubt them letting us have another day off. This guy that goes to another school and I have been mad flirting these past few days. It's nifty. Got pretty steamy last night... So, in other news, J is always around when I talk to Sean.Yesterday me and Sean like held hands for about 2 seconds and here comes J behind me "awwwww look, they're holding hands again" Why is he doing this? I saw Britney Spears' new video. It sucks. Just like her! Har!!
(and yes, I did mean that the bad way)

Current mood: loved

Monday, March 5, 2001

4:39PM - Taking The Fall~

Thank God we're out of school for today! Today was kind of long I think. This song has been in my head all freaking day long!! I saw the video this morning and so I got it in my head. In like 3rd block I was in the library on the computer trying to fend off Sean and singing it over and over in my head. I saw Tony like 3 times today....3 times more than I usually see him. It was great. He looks really good in that AE shirt, lol. What am I saying? He looks good in almost everything he wears... I'll get back to ya on that one!

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